D3 body, D1 cock
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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