once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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