Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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