Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
