And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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