this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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