I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
