Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
