so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
