How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
