New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
