When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
