so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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