Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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