remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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