dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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