you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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