He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize