She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This toilet bowl is my home.
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