He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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