I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
