I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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