I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
