2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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