in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
