So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
