You can't motorboat a personality
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
