Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Life is so much better after having sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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