I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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