there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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