I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
