8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you inspire me to be a worse person
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
