so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
