someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
