I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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