I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
