Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
