I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize