Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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