What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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