Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
