I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
