you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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