you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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