do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
