I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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