My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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