Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
