Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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