Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize