I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
