Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
