Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
