My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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