Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
