I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
