Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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