i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you didnt know i had herpes?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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