I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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