I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
