i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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