he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish you could order shots online.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
