I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
