wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
