Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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