I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
