capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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