you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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